To me, you are perfect

This is from one of my favorite movies Love Actually. I think I may have Patrick get his picture made with a sign like this. I am blessed to have a husband who really does think this. So why can't I say this to myself?

Unfortunately, I am bombarded by the images of what the world says is perfect. Believe me, I in no way measure up. I don't think I did even before I sacrificed my body for the team and had three children. If I didn't before, there no way I can measure up now. No matter how consistently I work out and eat right, I am faced with a body that only surgery (and thousands of dollars) can fix.

And because I don't measure up to these standards that I have accepted as truth, I demean myself even more with my thoughts. When I don't see what I want to see in the mirror, say mean things to myself in my head. This self talk, as counselors would call it, extends into my interactions with others. I heard a local pastor say in a recent sermon that what you are thinking about, is what you look for and therefore, what you see. Wow! How true. What I am thinking about is how unworthy I am, so I look for and "see" confirmation of that in my relationship with others. You can't talk to me right now? You must not think I am important enough. You already have plans this weekend? You must think I am not good enough to hang out with.

Again when my thoughts betray me, I must turn to the source of truth. His word tells me that I don't need to be concerned with what the world defines as beauty. He defines beauty as those who fear Him. In Proverbs 31:30, we are told "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised". From what I have read charm, in this verse, means form. While the world tells us that form and looks define our beauty, these are things we cannot control. Over time these things fade, no matter who you are. What we do have control over is our inner thoughts and actions towards others. This is how God's word spells out the way He defines beauty.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:4

From now on when these thoughts enter my head, I will recite these verses and turn my thoughts towards Him. I will begin to measure myself against His definition of beauty. I know that if I can do this He will be saying - Candace - to me, you are perfect.

Confession is good for the soul!

I have to confess that I am a mess. The whole put-together, happy wife and mom of three, full time teacher, got everything under control appearance is an act. I am really just an insecure and emotionally unstable wreck. This week has not been good. It has actually been horrible. I have been on the verge of tears all day, just about every day this week. I think Patrick even wondered if I was going to be okay at times. And, while I know that things will work out and nothing earth-shattering really happened, it just seems that when one thing goes wrong, some other insecurities rear their ugly heads. It is amazing how that always happens. A wave of failures and insecurities have flooded my thoughts this week. It has left me feeling lonely, invisible, unimportant, and overlooked. My prayers have gone unanswered and my feelings have remained hurt.

However, while my feelings and thoughts are real, it doesn't mean they are true. The Lord has been so faithful to me in the midst of my pain. Though my thoughts may betray me, He never will. Through this time of insecurity, I cling to the promises that He offers though his word. He sees me and He knows how I am feeling. Isaiah 49:16 says "See, I have engraved you in the palm of my hand." I am not like the things we write on our hands in pen so we won't forget, only to was it off a few hours later and then accidentily forget. No - my name doesn't wash off - I am engraved in His hand. He doesn't forget me. His word also tells me that He collects my tears in a bottle in Psalm 56:8. He sees my hurt and I am not walking through this alone, although I have wondered this week how big my bottle of tears must be. No matter how many times people let me down or when things don't go my way, I know that my God is walking with me and cares for me. So, when these thoughts seem to overwhelm me, I will rest of His words. They are the truth that I cling too.

December 8, 2001

Today is the day! Candace and I were married 9 years ago today. Here's the extremely short version of how we got here. There are a lot more details, and if you want to know more stay tuned, maybe some day we'll put a "History of Us" page on here somewhere.

It all started in 1998 at the Georgia - Georgia Tech game, our unofficial first date. We had been "Friends" for some time and I wanted to ask her out, but I was too nervous to actually call this a date, so we went as "friends", but I still paid for everything and treated it like a date...but who cares now;) Fast forward to Valentine's day 2000; I asked Candace out, officially this time. Our first date was a double with David and Liz. We went to the Basil Press in Athens and then went to see Carrot Top at the Classic Center. One year later, February 14, 2001, while having a picnic (Five Points deli chicken salad!!!) I got down on my knees and washed Candace's feet, asked her to marry me and pledged to serve her like Christ served the Church. She said yes and almost 10 months later we promised to love each other 'til we are parted by death." Somehow I think I will love her longer than that though!

I am most definitely a very blessed man to be married to her. These 9 years have been absolutely amazing. At the risk of being cheesy, I will say that she makes me smile. If I am down all I have to do is look at her and God reminds me that He has good plans! It hasn't always been perfect (although there are far more highs than lows), but there is no one on the planet I would rather spend my life with (ups and downs).

In our short period of time together, God has blessed us with 3 beautiful children, and a host of wonderful friends and family. I am truly blessed and humbled to be her husband and servant. I Love Candace more today than the day we got married and I can't wait to see what the next 9 years has in store for us. Looking back at where we've come from one thing is certain, God has a plans for us and those plans are for our prosperity (Jer 29:11).

So today I am blessed and full of Hope because I see how good God has been and know how good He will be.

Thankfulness

I wanted to write something to describe how thankful I am for how much God has blessed me, and when I visited the blog I saw my post from July 13, 2009 (Wow, we really need to post more often!) so I decided to repost it:

In Luke 17:11-19 Jesus, heals 10 men with leprosy. Only one (the Samaritan) returns to thank Jesus, to which Jesus responds (vs. 17 & 18) "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" As I was talking to the kids about the story it hit me that I am often like the other 9, always asking for God's help, but never returning to him in thankfulness. David mentioned the same thought in his sermon on effective and fervent prayer, mentioning that we as parents are much more likely to be more generous to our children when the are thankful for and appreciative of the things they have already been given.

The problem I have is that I don't often take the time to reflect on what God has given me, so I am often forgetful of everything I have to be thankful for. Taking time to remember God's goodness can really change your mood, and its a matter of focus. God's nature doesn't change. If he has been good to us in the past he will be good to us in the future, even if we don't seem to understand it. The prophet Jeremiah tells us (29:11-14) "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" The lesson for me in all of this is that we can't seek with our whole heart if we can't approach with thankfulness.

So today (and hopefully everyday day after) I am THANKFUL!

Indian Pass Beach Trip

The Vine Year 2

Sensational God

So at the vine we are talking about how we experience God through our senses and this morning I had an encounter. A young man in my office, Michael Sensabaugh, who was in his mid 20's passed away on Saturday morning. Needless to say, work has been strange this week as people try to reconcile their hurt, grief, shock, and anger over Michael's death.

Michael was an amazing man. I don't think I ever saw him without a smile on his face and he was always genuinely concerned about me and my family. I will truly miss the conversations we had!

Trying to deal with the grief and revelation of your own mortality is difficult, but throw in tough questions from others and it gets hard to deal with. SO I was riding the bus this morning and contemplating how to present the truth of God's love in a way that accurately represents His character and nature while still addresses people's lack of understanding and grief. While I was sitting there praying Matthew 28:20 came to my mind , "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." I admit, at first I was confused about what God was telling me, so I asked for some clarity and again God spoke to me in a song.

Tenth Avenue North was playing on my ipod, "Times" was the song. The chorus says:

i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneathits inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
i'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
i'm there through your heartache
i'm there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you my love never ends, it never ends

And it was clear to me...a truth I have always known. God is always with us, even when we question Him. He is big enough to handle our doubts, questions, anger, and even our moments of hate. It is specifically these times that our Faith is proven. We won't always understand why things happen but our challenge is to trust God with everything .

Roll Call

So happy 2009! Lets start the new year off getting to know each other. I have seen this on several other blogs and thought it would be fun to see whose reading. So come out of the woodwork and let us know who you are(notice cheesy coordinating music)...

How about your name, where you are from, how you found our blog, and any other general comments you want to make.

Holy___!

I often find my self thinking like Paul, “For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” (Romans 7:19) Little things separate me from God’s heart when I want to draw near, and that grieves my spirit. My prayer life has recently been more of me asking for the Holy Spirit’s direction and guidance because there are still some rooms in my soul that need God’s remodeling work.

As we have learned over the past few weeks at The Vine, the Holy Spirit is God presently available to each of us. As I have been contemplating God making Himself available to me, I have had to take a serious look at what motivates me. Buried in this inward journey God again hit me with the obvious; the Holy Spirit is just as His name declares…HOLY, and cannot dwell in unholy places. That’s not to say that we, who sin, cannot have the Holy Spirit, but we can’t actively sin and expect the power of God to be at work in us.

The conclusion I have come to is that our motives tell the story, and what God has revealed to me is that I am motivated by happiness more than holiness. In The Pursuit of Man, A.W. Tozer writes, "The true ideal is not to be happy but to be holy. The Holy heart alone can be the habitation of the Holy Ghost." So my challenge is to die to the idea of happiness and grow in the pursuit of holiness, only then can The Holy Spirit become a full time resident and be more than occasional guest, bringing with Him Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faith, Gentleness, and Self Control. That is when we will truly experience the abundant life Jesus promised.

Halloween 2008

We were lucky to go back to L'town and continue our tradition of trick-or-treating with the Ryan family. They are some of the nicest people and we miss having them as our neighbors!! Calen and their son, Chase, are big buds. Ellie Grace likes to hang out with him too. Emmy Kate loves to tackle and kiss (to the point of gnawing) their youngest son, Cade. Taking pictures with these guys was not an easy task and sadly, we didn't get any of Cade. He was the cutest - he was Eeyore with a removable tail!! Calen was a pirate, Ellie Grace was a flower/fairy, and Chase was Buzz Lightyear with blow-up wings. The peacock costume had to return this year and Emmy Kate loved it!!

Thoughts on a Wednesday morning

"Be still and know that I am God;
I will be exhalted among the nations,
I will be exhalted on the earth."
Psalm 46:10

The girls' birthday

We had a party for Ellie Grace and Emmy Kate. Their birthdays are 2 weeks apart and I just didn't think I could do 2 birthday parties in 2 weeks, so we did them together. It was a little chaotic, especially since the girls' could have cared less about the presents. So..I ended up opening 2 sets of presents. But, I think a good time was had by all.

Political Mess - by Candace

I felt the need to put by Candace because Patrick has been blogging so much lately.
I just felt the need to vent a little about my frustrations about all of the political drama. My family has always been big into politics so I find it hard to turn off that switch in me. I get so riled up between the campaigns and I check the news every minute for updates. My big plan on Friday night was watching the debate with Patrick. I was pumped about it. But a person whose blog I stalk really has hit me hard. I would link it, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet. Anyway, she made the point that God doesn't care about this election. The reason why He doesn't care, is because He already knows who wins. He has already known who would win this election from the beginning of time. But, what He does care about is our hearts. He does care about where we will spend eternity. I know where I will spend eternity, but I am not so sure about some of my friends. And, how I handle this election and what happens and my opinions, could affect the way my friends feel about Christians and Christ. I have to keep my eye on the big picture, the main goal. My goal cannot be - have my team win this election. My goal has to be point to and glorify God in all that I do. So before I get up on my high horse and say "I am right and you are soooo wrong", I have to think about does this glorify God? It is so hard. Especially since, I think my team is going to lose.

confession time

Confession: I love my wife. She is beautiful, not just outside, but inside too! (I know that's a cheesy cliche, but its true) She cares about and thinks about things that don't even cross my mind. I guess it's true that opposites attract, because in all the ways that it really counts she really does help bring focus to things that I would not even notice.

a heart epiphany

Colossians 1:22 says, …”He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” This was the key verse we talked about at Cluster group the other night…and I had a heart epiphany today as I listened to "The Way I Am" on my playlist.com stuff. (I call it a heart epiphany because it was one of those moments that connected something I have known in my head for a long time and something my heart had not felt in a long time.) God loves me right where I am; just like I am, and doesn’t want me to try to be perfect. He wants me to embrace the freedom he has given me and experience life free from accusation. The hard part for me is the simple part of the Gospel…Accept what God unconditionally offers.

Here’s the epiphany. Paul uses the word reconcilED…past tense!!!

The hard part for me, on my journey with Christ, is really understanding that the reconciliation is not a continual process. I have been reconciled. Once I chose to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior the reconciliation was sealed. I don’t have to live up to a standard. I just need to heed the words Paul writes to the Church at Colosse(1:23): “continue in your faith established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel…”

That’s the launching point for everyone’s faith journey. We have to accept that God has already done all the work for reconciliation. It has already been accomplished. All we have to do is accept it, and if we continue in our faith established and firm, we will see a change in how we react to the world around us. We won’t be perfect. We will mess up, but the good news is that we don’t have to continually be reconciled. We are reconciled, and always will be. That is where true freedom lives.

So today I choose to be free!!!

My cluster group says I am not shallow!

So my cluster group says that I am not shallow and that I can post on this blog. I redeemed myself by saying "Jesus came to put a face on God, and we (Christians) are here to put a face on Jesus". I cannot take credit for this statement. I just heard it somewhere and it stuck with me...and it applied to what we read tonight.
Anyway, hopefully this will bring Candace Queen back to the blogosphere.

The truth about sin

So...I had another God moment this morning as I was sitting in my office reading. In Seeing the Invisible, A.B. Simpson writes, "The first act of faith is to believe what God says about sin." That was a hammer to my head. It got me thinking, if we don't believe EVERYTHING the Bible says about sin then we can't believe anything the Bible says about God. Our faith exists in embracing everything the Bible tells us about us and eveything it tells us about God. Our condition is inseparable from God's redemption. You can't have one without the other.

This was earth shattering for me, not so much because I don't know how much I have sinned, but because I never really thought of faith in terms of embracing my failures and owning them, so that God can redeem me.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Micah 6:8:

He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

As far as I can tell there is nothing more humbling than embracing your sin (and redemption) dailyso that you can walk with God.

My wonderful Wife

So Candace read my post yesterday and informed me that she can no longer post b/c my post was so deep, and hers are so superficial. I, however, think that her posts show much more about our life than mine ever would, that's why I don't post often.

I always look forward to seeing what she posts. Her stories and her posts always have a way of making me smile and we all need to smile more often.

random thought and the urge to share

So finally a post from Patrick...

Today I am exceedingly thankful.

I turned on the computer to check the blog, and the music started and I was drawn in. Now, those of you who know me know that I am, at my core, a music person. Music resonates in my soul. Anyway..."From The Inside Out" started playing when I got on the blog and I was immediately emmersed in the presence of God. I was immmediately prostrate in my heart, and consumed by the glory of God. I clicked unknowingly into a God moment, and was reminded that although I have failed thousands of times His mercy is still available and His grace is still sufficient.

Then as if I needed another reminder, "In My Place" came on, and God reminded me that, inspite of his longstanding goodness toward me, I spend a lot of time running from Him, and there is not a thing I can do to change that.

I was then pointed toward Colossians 2:6-7:

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thanksfulness.

Then the next song..."Here Comes the Sun". I'll let you connect the dots:)

Then as I spent a few more minutes meditating on the words from Colossians, I got the urge to share some words God had put in my heart over the last few weeks (Maybe Gregg can help put them to music):

You are my glory
I will praise not other name
I will sing of Your goodness
And declare Your fame

In my life's story
There is none but you
I will sing of Your mercy
And declare Your truth

My blog needs some love!

Sorry that I haven't posted in 2 weeks to the few who read this blog! Patrick went on a business trip to Phoenix and I took the kids to stay with my parents. My dad's computer was in the shop so I couldn't post. Then we left for Longboat Key for a week and we didn't have Internet access. It is really weird when you are used to clicking a button and being connected to the world and then suddenly not being connected. A good weird, but definitely weird.

Anyway, I am back. And Rebecca Moon, I will blog about random things soon...very soon!