Sunday, January 29, 2012

Confession is good for the soul!

I have to confess that I am a mess. The whole put-together, happy wife and mom of three, full time teacher, got everything under control appearance is an act. I am really just an insecure and emotionally unstable wreck. This week has not been good. It has actually been horrible. I have been on the verge of tears all day, just about every day this week. I think Patrick even wondered if I was going to be okay at times. And, while I know that things will work out and nothing earth-shattering really happened, it just seems that when one thing goes wrong, some other insecurities rear their ugly heads. It is amazing how that always happens. A wave of failures and insecurities have flooded my thoughts this week. It has left me feeling lonely, invisible, unimportant, and overlooked. My prayers have gone unanswered and my feelings have remained hurt.
However, while my feelings and thoughts are real, it doesn't mean they are true. The Lord has been so faithful to me in the midst of my pain. Though my thoughts may betray me, He never will. Through this time of insecurity, I cling to the promises that He offers though his word. He sees me and He knows how I am feeling. Isaiah 49:16 says "See, I have engraved you in the palm of my hand." I am not like the things we write on our hands in pen so we won't forget, only to was it off a few hours later and then accidentily forget. No - my name doesn't wash off - I am engraved in His hand. He doesn't forget me. His word also tells me that He collects my tears in a bottle in Psalm 56:8. He sees my hurt and I am not walking through this alone, although I have wondered this week how big my bottle of tears must be. No matter how many times people let me down or when things don't go my way, I know that my God is walking with me and cares for me. So, when these thoughts seem to overwhelm me, I will rest of His words. They are the truth that I cling too.


shea said...

May God bless you with his grace and hold you in his hand. I hope this post helped you begin to believe that you are wonderful and a child of God and loved beyond measure for exactly who you are.

DW said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your hurt. is this something you've shared with a person directly and they've still not apologized?

January said...

Thank you for sharing. I think a lot of moms/wives can feel very overwhelmed and alone at times. It looks like everyone else has everything under control and it is easy to wonder "What's wrong with me? Why is this so hard?" While I am sorry you are having a hard time I can appreciate your honesty and it is good to know that I am not the only one who sometimes struggles.

Dyar Baby Momma said...

I think many of us feel this way, much of the time, but often don't admit it.

I am proud to know you, you are a very strong woman of faith who wrote a very honest post that will hopefully let others know that they aren't alone.

My prayers will be with you as well.